We dine on empty plates

Happy b day Nicolaisgirl

2008-04-30T16:58:51Z

Hope it is a great one!!!!

cabled @ 2007-12-07T12:00:00

2007-12-07T20:03:38Z

I hate food Why can't I just sleep for a couple of months and wake up thin. Instead of that nagging pain in my stomach.

Water?

2007-12-04T03:20:38Z

So,I don't drink enough water. I would drink more but liquid is just so heavy. It weighs so much on the scale. My kidney hurts. So I guess I'll have to put this heavy stuff down my throat. So sleepy. Gonna take a nap now. Love all you guys and girls.
L8R

I love running (WARNING This entry contains pictures of food)

2007-11-20T10:01:42Z

So running is so worth it I get to eat things and not have to worry so much. Today I ate Pumpkin pie. Drinking lots of Lemonade to keep my liver clean.
Still on track only 33 days left to go

Premature Running

2007-11-19T09:14:00Z

So I cannot stand it. I hate the waiting I want to be skinny now. I have started my running. I have been running for the last 3 days,well more like jogging. I decided on 4 miles. So I will run til I either get injured or I reach my first goal of 5 weeks. or about 20 pounds. I went buck crazy today. I ate 2,600 calories.

Wish me luck
35 days to go

The consequences

2007-11-16T04:24:58Z

So I gained like 2 1/2 pound for my binge. I hate it. My girl got mad at the situation. Mad at my complaining I guess,so I am back on the cable. I love it though. Food can't hurt me as long as the cable holds onto me. So now I have to face my gain and lose it yet again.
35 to "run"
54 pounds to go

Messed up

2007-11-14T02:36:35Z

Guess I'm human after all. I totally binged today. I dropped all of the rules and just ate like the pig I am. I started off ok I woke up to a bottle of water,and a salad with my zero calorie dressing(the one I make myself) Then I don't know something just happened to me. I had a headache and I was just tired of the emptiness. So I had a cheese sandwich, broccoli, a baked potato with butter sour cream cheese (OMG) and jalapenos. I also had a tiny bit of chocolate cake,a banana with vanilla wafers,coffee,and a hot chocolate with eggnog flavored creamer. Sorry girls. The latter part of this I ate while watching Silent Hill.
I won't dare to weigh myself til tomorrow. However according to my weight this morning
32 pounds to "run"
51 pounds to go

cabled @ 2007-11-12T22:51:00

2007-11-13T07:16:52Z

I am feeling good. I had some tea,20 calories worth of pickles,3 pieces of broccoli, and a toasted PB&J sandwich on cinnamon raisin bread. I used one spoon of PB,because it is so fattening. I felt bad about it. But not anymore. That was like 3 hours ago and I'm starving now. I ate today because I fasted all day and didn't lose even 1/2 pound.
I pray I didn't gain. I used to run 4 to 5 miles everyday. I wouldn't let anything stop me. I accidentally hurt my knee and now it bothers me. I can really feel it when I gain even a little weight. So the plan is to take my weight down and then start running again. I will start at 3 or 4 miles and try to take it up to 5.
Approx. calories for the day- 380
33 pounds to "Run"
52 pounds to go

cabled @ 2007-11-12T00:55:00

2007-11-12T08:56:12Z

My girlfriend couldn't take me being on the cable. So I am no longer on it. I am going to eat now. I would like to eat things with very few calories. I allow myself things like pickles,these vegetable bullion cubes which are only 5 calories each. I like v-8 juice because it is low in calories and has vitamins that I need.I also have salad. Just lettuce and tomato with a vinegar dressing I make myself,and sometimes light popcorn. It has 20 calories per cup and no fat calories. I still enjoy my herbal tea and coffee too,although I don't like it that much. I have lost the weight I gained since the pizza incident,and I am looking forward to tomorrow's weigh in.
52 pounds to go

Pizza poison

2007-11-10T22:39:19Z

What to do I was doing so well ,but yesterday My silly girlfriend brought to me pizza I ate so much of it. It is rediuculous really. I ate like 4 slices. I hate myself. I have gained 1 1/2 pounds. Disgusting pig I am. Sometimes I forget to drink water. I drink herbal tea a lot because it has no calories. It is hot and good.It makes me forget about food. I have changed my goal. I want to lose 53 1/2 pounds. I have given myself 2 months to do it but If it takes 3, I don't mind. I'm not giving up til I lose it. I am on day four and so far I have lost 5.5 pounds.
I would really like to join the proanorexia community. I put in my request,but I'm still not a member. Does anyone know how long it takes to get approved?
53.5 left to lose.

Get back to where I started from

2007-11-08T05:11:34Z

This is my first entry. I don't know what I claim to be... Pro Ana, Endo,Pro Mia,Extream dieter. I guess the label doesn't really matter.
   I am feeling so alone right now. All I ever wanted was to be loved. I got involved with a really nice girl that I met on the phone. I liked her personality so when I met her I thought It would unfair and unkewl to turn her down because of looks alone. I'm not perfect,but she was 320 pounds. even at 6 feet tall that was very heavy. I was of normal weight until she became abusive in a weird way. Taking my car keys from me, making me stay locked in the house, forcing me to eat until I threw up. By the time I escaped I had gained 60 pounds.
   Now all I want is to be myself again. I Have tried to lose weight the proper way but a doctor told me that my liver was clogged with fat and that it would be near impossible for me to lose weight. because it is the liver that regulates metabolism. My health is terrible. I didn't know that heavier people went through so much. My doctor said that my body was just not meant to carry this amount of weight. Some people can,but not me. I have had a lot of issues since my weight increased. I don't think all heavy people go through this. So my goal is to lose 50 pounds. I have exercised on the eliptical of an hour everyday,for months. I lost 3 pounds. I tried walking did that a month and a half...Nothing. I tried eating salad until I coulnd't stand it anymore. I lost 4 pounds and gained it all back as soon as I ate a normal meal. I have vomited and went through a stage where I took 14 or more laxative pills everyday.
   Now I have a new girlfriend who loves me very much.She knows how much I hate my body. She is trying so hard to help me. I guess I feel like I have tried everything and nothing has worked so it's like I don't want to ty anymore. I am hungry and I just want to relax and not have to think about this anymore. I know my girlfriend doesn't want a fat girl for a wife. I know she wants me to be thin even though she loves me the way that I am. I asked her to help me so now I live with her and I am chained. or cabled,rather. I have a thick wire cable ,which is wrapped in plastic. It is the kind meant to secure big dogs. I am chained by this cable in my room. I can reach everything in the room and even go to the door and look out but,the doorway is where I run out of cable. I cannot leave the room. There is another door to the outside and I can get fresh air if I like. I have a toilet, and internet,and cable tv. I have all the water I can possibly drink,and tea with stevia for sweetener.
   I was taken off the cable today and I wanted noodles,my girl honestly tries to help me so she said "No" I was hurt that she denied me so when she turned her back I shoved 4 cookies in my mouth. I feel terrible.But I was so hungry. Now I am locked up once again.
Yesterday I lost 3 1/2 pounds.
Wish me luck 4 tomorrow's weigh in.